April 17, 2009


_Ninja Gaiden. we all played it when we were younger. but not because of word of mouth. it wasn’t like…our friends played it, and the next day, during lunch recess, they were all like “OMG guyz, i played this game…it was fucking amazing!” no…that wasn’t what made us play it. and it wasn’t because of great reviews. we didn’t read have the internet. IGN couldn’t tell us “too hard, sux” back then. no…we all played it for the same reason…we went to the local video game rental store, saw a fucking ninja on the front, and said “that’s all i need to see. this is the rental winner.” or maybe you were lucky, and your parents took you to Toys’r’us, and you went “ninja!” then grabbed the little paper slip for it. then you probably did that whole thing at recess, only everyone had already played it too. i mean…shit. it had a cool ass NINJA on the cover. of COURSE they rented it! get with the times, man!

_so anyways…Ninja Gaiden. for the NES. we all played it when we were kids. none of us beat it. and if you did…then you’re a fucking liar. get out of here, you nasty fibber. cause the game is too hard and too brutal. it’s from the time when we didn’t know any better. we were just kids. we were naive. we thought that everything was made to be beaten…because it just makes sense that way. but no. not everything was. there were games like Ninja Gaiden. games that were made to make you suffer. games where every single pit has a strategically placed dickhead enemy pop up out of nowhere by it to knock you into it. it’s the game where the 5th boss has a single, undodgable attack. it’s the game that sends you from the final boss on stage 6-4 back to 6-1 upon death.

_and every time those kind of things happen, it sends a signal to the brains of the game designers. and they laugh. menacingly.

_many NES games are difficult. many are very difficult. even painfully difficult. i don’t think i’d define Ninja Gaiden as difficult at all. it’s just mean. it’s a mean old man. the kind that would let his grass grow really tall, just so he could hide bear traps in them in case kids tried to step on his property in a harmless fashion. or the guy that had the monster house in Monster House. that’s Ninja Gaiden. a big, nasty, mean spirited Monster House.

_all that said…i enjoyed Ninja Gaiden. fast paced gameplay, great soundtrack, ninjas, swording bullets out of mid-air, classic platforming akchun. Ninja Gaiden is a true classic and is awesome, regardless of the fact that it’s mean. it’s like Biff Tannen. he was a total dickhead. like when he could’ve easily given those kids their ball in BttF2, but threw it on somebody’s balcony instead, then literally laughed out loud because it pleased him so much. that was a total dick move. but i still laughed with him and still enjoy his antics to this day. so…yes. the game is basically Biff Gaiden. and it’s sweet.



  1. Hey now, I beat Ninja Gaiden as a kid. :O

    I never had the other two though, but after getting them both on the Virtual Console, Ninja Gaiden II became my personal favorite. ❤

  2. get out of here, you nasty fibber.


  3. With my divine wisdom and insight, I grant Ninja Gaiden a Thumbs Up.

  4. Ninja Gaiden is Biff Tannen…?


    On a serious note, I never had it as a kid, but farthest I’ve made it so far is… 4-2? I think? I’d have to check my save state. (as a note, I only used save states to save in-between Chapters, because I need to shut down my computer SOMETIMES)

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